WTF is this?

I’ve been working on this project in my mind for a couple years, but only in the last few months has there been work done on it in reality.

The scope and total cost of the project has tripled since it began (Thanks, Biden!)

After a few $100 in supplies and 10s of hours in labor, I decided to work out exactly what it will cost to finish the project. Upon completing the bar napkin calculations, I was forced to conclude,

“Fuck this.. That’s like a $1,000 all together. Do I really want to put that much $ into it? Do I need this bar?”

But and it is a big butt, those were the wrong questions. I know in my heart that this iBar is what the world needs. I’ll only be holding onto it for the world. This is the moment we decide to save the world and this is the bar that saves it.

With that enlightenment clear in my head, I’ve decided to make the world pay for some of this miracle.The donations and the representative levels of societal reward and activities are listed on this page. Please, only give what you can.*

*Technically and legally, you can give away everything you own. So, no worries!!

Patron de Arts $100+

Those who donate $100 or more will receive an invitation for 2 to the Completion Party, which will be held at an as of yet, undisclosed location at some time no longer than 6 months after the iBar is completed.   Those people who have worked on the iBar will give presentations on their involvement in the project,  while the Patron de Arts will be told repeatedly, throughout the event, how attractive and intelligent they are for investing in this non financially rewarding non investment.

This will be an in person event. please expect there to be a lively discussion of the many benefits the iBar will undoubtedly bless humanity with.

Refreshments and entertainment will be provided.

Donations of $100 or more (or less) will receive a Digital Multi-Faith Dispensation which will get them out of Hell and into some other, way less pitch-forky kinda afterlife. Isn’t that, alone, worth more than the donation?

Additionally, Patron de Arts will have their names and likenesses* immortalized under the epoxy of the internal shelf of the iBar.

Additionally, Patron de Arts will be permanently added to the Holiday Card List.

*Please provide a wallet size photograph and business card in order to be added to the Internal Shelf of Honor.

Rational Donor $50

Those who donate $50 will receive zoom calendar invitation to stream the Completion Party in real time. We suggest this time will best be spent regretting being cheap and missing out on the in person Party.

On the bright side, you will still receive the Digital Multi-Faith Dispensation as well as many pics of the table and  the occasional lonely passive aggressive text from its creator.

Friends in Low Places $5

Thank you. Hopefully, you are not forever consumed with guilt for low baling this world saving campaign.

And yes, you will still receive the Digital Multi-Faith Dispensation as well as many pics of the table and  the occasional lonely passive aggressive text from its creator.

All Donors will receive a Digital Multi-Faith Dispensation.

This Digital Dispensation will be good for one “Change of Venue” in the afterlife. What this means… It is a dead person’s get out of jail free card.

Example- Sent to Christian Hell, but wanted to go to Valhalla,? This digital representation of a card can be tapped to force the transit of your soul to the desired location of your eternal existence. Each card will be imprinted with  instructions such as-

Physical or digital instances of this card are not necessary for utilization. Please have your Demon or other afterlife enforcer contact Van Lewen Consulting at +1-505-750-CUNT to authenticate the Dispensation’s rightful ownership.

and of course.   “Für die Toten reist schnell!”

This is an independent crowdsourcing project, created in order to raise the necessary funds to finish the greatest tavern innovation of the 21st Century. The iBar will be recorded into the anals of human history as the demarcation line between the current era, truly the darkest of timelines, and our quasi-pseudo-faux-rocket-esque-ish-like ascension to the good times

Funds will be accepted for not only this project, but for al related projects which may or not be launched in the years to come.